Change? YES you can. But why you probably think you can't...

You’ve tried so much already, read so many books, maybe you even understand rationally all the details of how and why you’re at where you’re at.

And still. Nothing changes. No resolution, peacefulness or joy anywhere in sight.

You may feel like vomiting when seeing yet another coach talk about their great achievements in life, overcoming the struggle and feeling amazing, living a ‘supposed’ dream life.

“Well, this is just not possible for everyone” you think. “And they’re annoying as f*ck, making us believe it is.”

Have you lost hope? Settled for a life that doesn’t feel good from the inside out? Buried your dreams under the sand?

“We must accept finite dissappointment, but never lose infinite hope” – Martin lr King

 

Listen up Beautiful, there’s nothing wrong with you, you just haven’t found what clicks yet. And here’s why:

 A human beings’ behavior is determined by

-95% the unconscious mind

-5% the conscious mind

AND your emotional reality is also deeply imprinted in every cell of your body,

These aspects together are your point of balance: HOMEOSTASIS. And your conscious mind wants to maintain homeostasis. Now, this point of balance, as you can see, is largely determined by your unconscious mind. The stuff you’re not aware of and have learnt early on in childhood.

See, we’re all born with a huge amount of potential. And then we enter the juicy game of life. It’s messy, it’s full of hurt and sometimes even trauma. Before you’re 12 you have built your way of being, based on those early experiences. Your whole belief system about love, success and how to act in life has been absorbed from the complex mix of influences by parents, siblings, peers, teachers & other environmental factors.

You know what the worst part is… The child’s mind is not yet fully formed. A child can not reason, a child does not understand circumstance, a child takes everything personal. Say your mom and dad had a divorce when you were 6, chances are you took this personal and thought that it was your fault. Chances are this is so unconscious you are not even aware now that you did + not even aware of how you have shaped your thinking and emotional reality based on that.

This is normal. This is the way of life. It’s nobody’s fault that you suffer, there’s nobody to blame, but it is your responsibility to heal. Once you’re an adult, nobody can save you but you.  

The thing is, coming back to HOMEOSTASIS: you are actually comfortable in your current state. Even if you are in pain, even if you are bingeing, burnt out, etc, your mind does not want change, because change could mean dangerous new variables, danger that is not known yet….  As mind-boggling as it seems, you feel safer in your pain right now than in potential happiness. Your conscious mind will create fear, resistance and rejection when something different comes along.

So are you at that point where you feel stuck, on the verge of just giving up, not knowing how on earth these repetitive painful patterns will ever cease?

Reading books, talk therapy, journaling… Great tools. But none of them help you out of your safe and cosy homeostasis. They also ONLY engage the conscious mind. The 2 biggest aspects (unconscious + body) needed for change to happen are left in the dark.

  1.  Don’t ever lose hope.
We’re unique and complex. Change looks different for everyone. It’s normal that stuff won’t ‘work’ for you like it did for X and Y.   You are the expert of you. The journey may be long and winding, but the only one who gets somehwere is the one who simply persists in the face of endless disappointments.
Try as much as you can to dis-attach from the outcome, don’t look for quick fixes, enjoy the endless unraveling of the self as a meaningful journey on its own. There’s no real end destination, there’s just the pleasure of becoming more and more comfortable with who you’re meant to be. 
If you let yourself lose hope, you are signing out of life. You are subscribing to a repetition of the past feelings and situations over and over again. It is better to have lived a life of endless hope and potentially risk disappointment, than not giving yourself any chance anymore at your tender age.

      2. Use techniques that also engage the unconscious mind and do  

        somatic release.

There’s a plethora of practitioners, methods and books out there. Choosing a coach or method may almost seem like a random act, since , if you’re not in the field, you probably do not know half the words they’re using. Remember this information. If you’re looking for real , sustainable change that does not take 5 years to come into effect, then take on somebody who combines these 3 elements! Conscious, unconscious and Body release, the holy triangle peeps.
3. Invest what you can in yourself.
Change can only happen if you disrupt your usual ways of doing things and give yourself a clear signal that you shall and will change.  Start prioritising yourself, invest time for self reflection, invest money in practitioners, workshops, courses. The scarier the thing you do, the more your change-resistant monkey mind will move out of the way.  Unfortunately, often, the very reason why people end up feeling unhappy (not believing in themselves and low self confidence) , is the reason why people do not prioritise themselves and their growth, ...

There’s absolutely no reason for you to stay stuck in your current reality. Whatever you've done and tried, there's more, my love, and you deserve to keep seeking. Yes you may have been dealt some heavier cards in life than others, but your potential, your unwavering light is still there. It never goes away.

Unless you’d like to believe it does… (and then ask yourself… is this thought just my mind tricking me into staying in my pain, keeping me small? ;) )

I help women become Body confident, Intuitive eaters, standing tall in their feminine power, creating the life they were meant to live. My approach takes together the conscious, unconscious and Body to create transformation on the deepest level. Check out some of the testimonials on my homepage and contact me for a free face to face consultation.